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Children steal for a variety reasons. Some steal for comfort, others to impress a group of friends, get back at their parents, or to get the things they want. Sometimes they steal just because it is exciting. Probably as many as one in four children have deliberately stolen something at some time. Most, of course, never do it again. But those who do, do so for one reason: it works. Whatever their core need: attention, money, or excitement, the stealing provides it for them. The big question of course is, how to make them stop? They need to find other ways to get those needs met and you need to help. Along with this, your main emphasis needs to be on promoting honesty. Use everyday events, such as stories from television or school, as a starting point for talking about honesty, integrity, and family morals. At the same time, model it yourself. What do you do when you find a wallet in the street? Or when you are given too much change in a shop? Your children will be watching you, and learning. Then watch your children. Not to catch them out, but to catch them being good. Reward and praise the little acts of honesty that you see. All of this promotes a culture of honesty in the home. In the unfortunate event that you do catch them stealing something, don't overreact. Don't let them lie about it, but also don't reward their attention seeking with a display of temper. Next talk to your child about righting the wrong. This goes beyond returning the stolen item. It includes paying for the disruption and disrespect that he or she also committed. The best way is to have the child take care of the wrongdoing with you supplying lots of support. These are some examples: Give the stolen goods back to the owner, with the additional compensation and a heartfelt apology. Children respond to being encouraged to do the right thing. This means making things right. This means a variety of steps, not just paying back what was stolen, but also paying compensation for the inconvenience and disrespect caused by the theft. Encourage the child to find solutions him or herself with your support. Here are some ideas: Bring the item back to the manager of the shop, school child, or teacher, along with some compensation and an apology. If taken from a stranger, remove the items (perhaps hand them in at the police station) and impose a fine or loss of privileges. Taking the stolen property back is his opportunity to do the right thing. If refuses, you then have no alternative but to impose an even higher penalty. The message must always be that doing the honest thing, even if it is after the event, is still the best policy. Just as jail isn't a deterrent to a real criminal, grounding your child most likely won't cause him to change the behavior. Finally, once it is over, get over it. Get back into reward mode, look for the things your child is doing right, not wrong, and work hard at reinforcing honesty. It is the stealing that is the enemy, not your child. Sometimes the temptation is to impose a long grounding sentence. Remember, jail does not reform hardened criminals, so expecting a different result with your own child is not realistic. Finally, when it's over, let it go. Move on towards rewarding positive behavior, not focusing on the negative, and work hard at reinforcing honesty. It is the stealing that is wrong, not your child.
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