For the Groom

The Wedding speech is a Wedding tradition, but not the only part, so don't let it overwhelm you. Remember that when you are making your wedding speech, you will be in the company of friendly people. The wedding guests will be looking forward to hearing you speak, no matter what you say or how nervously you say it. Use the opportunity to express your feelings on this special occasion, however simple, to your gathered friends and family.

To start with write some headings suitable for your wedding speech, and then fill out the spaces between the headings to produce an entire wedding speech. The headings will help you to focus on the important statements you want to make. Even if your speech is really only a wedding toast with a few heartfelt tributes, this will ensure that everything you want to say is covered.

The use of jokes and anecdotes is a personal choice. If you feel comfortable with using jokes, they can enhance your speech, but don't feel pressured into using them. The choice of joke is dependent on the type of speech you intend to make. There is no point launching into a stream of jokes in the middle of an otherwise sentimental speech. It is also inadvisable to include any jokes that are obscene, or even slightly risqué, unless you are absolutely sure of your audience. Don't insult anyone or attempt to air grudges. Also try not to embarrass anyone, especially your bride. The way to use jokes is at the expense of weddings generally, or something that has happened during the day. Joke about something that could have happened rather than something that has actually happened.

An anecdote is a more flexible way of introducing humour into your speech. An anecdote does not need to be harmful to be funny, and can have the effect of bringing your audience together in shared experience. However, do not use anecdotes referring to your bride's previous relationships. Also avoid bringing up past arguments or feuds, however hilarious they may now seem, as they may touch raw nerves in already emotional people. It is better to be a little bland but genuine, rather than controversial. As with jokes, make sure that your anecdote fits with the rest of your speech, so it feels natural to bring the subject up as that point. As a rule of thumb, it is better to be positive about people rather than negative.

Here are some suggested points to include, which are in the order of their delivery. You may want to include a few jokes or anecdotes if you feel comfortable:

• Thank the father of the bride for his toast and good wishes. He may have complimented you on your suitability for the bride, so a reply may be that you hope you can live up to his expectations.
• Thank your guests for sharing your special day. Mention those who have travelled a long way, if the father of the bride didn't do this, or perhaps welcome friends of you and your new wife rather than family members. This is a good time to thank everyone for their gifts.
• Thank your parents for their love and support over the years and thank your new in-laws for bringing up their daughter so well and providing you with a wonderful bride, to whom you intend to devote your life in pursuit of her happiness! You may at this juncture, present your mother and mother-in-law with a gift such as a memento of the day or a bouquet of flowers.
• Compliment and praise your new wife. This is often the most touching moment of the groom's speech. Thank her for agreeing to marry you, and comment on the way she looks. To ease embarrassment, look at your bride here, and speak to her, but at a volume that your audience can hear. This will provide a happy medium between appearing excessively sentimental in front of friends and missing the opportunity to publicly express your feelings for your new wife.
• Thank your best man for his friendship, help and support. This also serves as a good way of introducing your guests to your best man. Use his name and briefly explain how you know each other.
• Thank the bridesmaids, which is a traditional task for the groom to perform. However, you may decide, if the bride is to speak, that she may prefer to do this for herself. If not, and the task falls to you, thank the bridesmaids for their help in preparing the wedding, and for the support they've given the bride. If one bridesmaid was more instrumental than the others, give her a special mention. You would then present the bridesmaids with a gift, if they haven't already received them.
• A toast to the bridesmaids concludes your speech. Remember to have a clear phrase that your guests can repeat after you, for example, "Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding for a toast to... the bridesmaids."
Remember to speak slowly, especially as nerves will tend to make you rush. If you feel yourself racing away, stop and take a deep breath and then continue. Above all, try to enjoy making your Wedding speech, and try to think of the meanings of the words you have written as you are speaking them, rather than just reading your Wedding speech aloud. This will ensure that you have conveyed to your guests the sentiment of your speech and your feelings for the people you are speaking about. At the end of your Wedding speech you are likely to be proposing a toast. Invite your guests to stand to drink the toast, then sit as they sit, after the toast.

Having done all of this, relax and enjoy your applause, and the rest of the day!

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